So I thought I would start this blog as I mean to end it with a highly amusing description of a night out that happened last Friday.Now you may wonder what the hell a raving lesbian is doing in a Sloaney straight club like Maremoto but let me tell you this..MAREMOTO is AWESOME AND I am not fully lesbian, just part-time.
I think it will be beneficial for me to include photos along the way so I can really paint a picture of the night.. also photos help jog my memory.
Soooo its Friday and I have finished work and said to my friend Jazz I would hit Kensington Roof Gardens with her except all her friends bailed so I invited her over to my new pad in Parsons Green which I would like to add has a roof top terrace( Oh yeah!)
Jazz and I start on an average tasting white wine which tastes like particularly acidic cat's piss ( a small word of advice to anyone planning a night out..AVOID WINE, it makes you go CRAZY).
Anyway once my eyesight was blurry and all cat's piss was gulped down and all friends had arrived and were rearing to go,we set off on our pilgrimage to Maremoto, a quick 2 minute taxi there.
I always know when a night is going to be epic when I can barely pull my ID out of my bag even if I have placed it in the most obvious place ( seriously it takes ten mins to find). I have also managed to piss of some chavvy looking girls behind me who are queuing in the cold..freezing their streaky fake tanned chicken legs off.
At this point I turn around and tell them to stop bitching and that they should be privileged to be in the same queue as me...this does not get a great reaction.
Needless to say I stumble down the stairs and the night begins.
First stop is the DJ booth where I request OMG by Usher. The poor DJ has to hear me request this song throughout the night at 5 minute intervals being as I am too drunk to remember asking for it in the first place.
Then the men arrive and OH WOW there are some hotties, I mean, some real hotties. I am talking 50 year old slimy Itlains who are only interested in putting their greasy paws all over your body. To be honest my body is anyone's body at this point..I am handing it up on a platter( I scream pure class).
Most nights,lucky for me I am a taken lady and have a hot mamacita girlfriend( drinks Natzi) who keeps me in check..this night was an exception.
I managed to bump and grind with every single ugly man there and somehow managed to repel all the hotties( could have been my dance moves) which my friend Jazz managed to play tonsil tennis with most of the night grrrrrrrrrrrr.
You know when you are so drunk that you think you are the best thing since sliced bread? That every guy and girl in the club wants to get with you? That you simply must take endless photos of just yourself and no one else because THAT is how fit you look?
This was the stage I got to...
